You don’t need to accept your flaws or try to overcome them

accept your flaws
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It seems the well-intentioned folks on the internet want you to accept your flaws. There is some great advice out there for doing so, too!

It’s time for another approach: You do not have to accept your flaws.

Here’s where you’re going to be genuinely surprised…

This is NOT a post about refusing to accept your flaws because it’s better to change them. Nope! You don’t need to overcome flaws, either. What should you do with your flaws?

See your flaws in a new light.

why not?

Chances are very high that your “flaws” are based on old beliefs and assumptions that don’t hold up in the warm light of conscious awareness. The first thing to do is slow down and take an honest look at them. Where are the distortions? How can your flaws be reinterpreted?

Examples of seeing flaws in a new light…

Let’s draw from this question from a user on the r/selfhelp (Reddit)

How do I be okay with being flawed?

The root of this question is basically: How can I have the confidence in myself to know that I do all I can to be a good person? Recently I find myself constantly questioning whether or not I am a “good person”. I am aware that humans are flawed and part of my brain can logically tell myself that I should not expect perfection from myself or anyone else. But another part of my brain convinces me to worry about how my actions are perceived by others. I desperately want to be a genuine person and act selflessly but I cannot also deny myself being selfish at times as it’s a part of my nature. Is there a way for me to reconcile these two notions of myself? How can I convince myself that it is okay to put myself before others sometimes? How does one find balance between acting selflessly and selfishly?

Reddit.com

These are such good questions! I broke them down and brainstormed anwers.

Disclaimer: These are the answers that I believe apply to mme.If there is anything helpful to someone else, I’m thrilled to contribute. Beyond that, no offense is intended to anyone.

How can I have the confidence in myself to know that I do all I can to be a good person?

I’d say we can’t answer this question before knowing what you expect of yourself. In other words, how do you know when your’re being a good person? If you were to summarize a “good person” day, what would it look like? What would you do and not do, specifically?

And you may need some help figuring this out. Your expectations may be off – too high or low – which would be a set up for failure.

Recently I find myself constantly questioning whether or not I am a “good person”.

This is a sure sign that you are a good person. Good people are concerned and humble enough to question their own character, values and morality. If you had zero concern about this, I’d be more worried about you.

I am aware that humans are flawed and part of my brain can logically tells myself that I should not expect perfection from myself or anyone else. But another part of my brain convinces me to worry about how my actions are perceived by others. I desperately want to be a genuine person and act selflessly but I cannot also deny myself being selfish at times as it’s a part of my nature. Is there a way for me to reconcile these two notions of myself?

Yes, there is. You’re unwittingly referring to parts psychology here, in which we acknowledge that we have different “parts” or aspects of our personality. You used the word “notions.” These parts / notions are inner divisions where we compartmentalize our various conflicting beliefs and experiences in life.

We end up divided on the inside – inner conflict. Here’s a good post from PsychCentral on the topic, which probably the most overlooked topic in psychology (Oh, I may be exaggerating:)

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/nlp/2017/01/inner-conflict/

How can I convince myself that it is okay to put myself before others sometimes?

Part of you already believes it is just fine to put yourself before others at times. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be a question. The issue is with the part of you that objects to putting yourself before others. What does this objecting part tell you?

How does one find balance between acting selflessly and selfishly?

The balance you’re seeking is an inner balance – or to heal the divide within.


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